11 thoughts on “Unicorn Pig”

    • I saw a unicorn pig in my shed last Tuesday and everyone said I was crazy. I decided that by making a paper mache sculpture of Martin – I named him – that I would immortalise him and spread the truth before they silence me. I’ve already said too much.

          • Dearest Ian,

            My name is Samantha Douglasman, and I am a Unicorn Pig. Therefore, I can tell you first hand that no Unicorn Pig has ever, or will ever, be cyan. What a ridiculous lie!!! It is well know that Unicorn Pigs are most commonly shades of purple. Clearly someone hasn’t done any research into the matter.

            Ian Mildredson, you are a FRAUD and you know it!!!

            Kind Regards,
            Samantha Douglasman

            • Dearest Samantha,

              I was surprised, to put it kindly, when I read your reply. I have never been accused of lying before, but I fear the jig is up.

              Samantha, I think you’ll find that I am a Unicorn Pig, and was posing as a human this entire time. I can also tell you with utmost confidence that you, in fact, are NOT a Unicorn Pig.

              You may be asking yourself:
              ‘How does he know?’ – or something along those lines.

              Well it was simple really. You speak English English NOT American English – in your previous message you used ‘colour’ rather than ‘color’. Why would I pick up on this detail? It is because – as the fable goes – ‘the only habitat suitable for Unicorn Pigs is Texas.’ meaning real Unicorn Pigs would never speak with an English dialect.

              But you are no ordinary human Samantha Douglasman, oh no, I fear you to be the man I have been tracking down my entire life –
              Hello Fredrick McDonutville!!!

              Kind Regards,
              Ian Mildredson

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